


Mad Queen the Musical

by JJPK (orphan_account)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Wicked - All Media Types
Genre: Musical, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 09:02:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18891424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/JJPK
Summary: Parody based on the musical "Wicked" complete with song lyrics.According to legend, the hero Jon Snow defeated the Mad Queen Daenerys Targaryen. But was Daenerys really as 'mad' as the stories claim? And what does Sansa Stark have to do with the rise and fall of this notorious villain? WARNING: A lot of saltiness about the ending of GOT.





	Mad Queen the Musical

[The scene opens as to a hall in Winterfell. The lords of the North drink in celebration of the death of Daenerys Targaryen at the hand of their hero Jon Snow.]

LORDS OF WESTEROS:

Good news!

She's dead!

The Mad Queen is dead!

The Mother of Dragons, the Queen of Meeren

The First Men, the Andals and the Great Grass Sea

The Breaker of Chains and the Kahlessi

Is dead!

Good news!

Good news!

No one mourns a mad queen!

No cares if they return!

No one lights a candle in their crypts!

Their lives serve as warning

Play with fire and you'll get burned!

Fly too high and you will surely slip!

Goodness knows

That mad queens have no allies

And goodness knows

That mad queens have no claims

Goodness knows

They don't inherit the wise

Inclination of their family names

No one mourns a mad queen

When they're lying in their graves

No one resurrects them from the dead

No one mourns a mad queen

No one stans them as their faves

As long as there's a man to stan instead!

Goodness knows

Mad queens' lives are lonely

And goodness knows

They're never fit to rule

It just shows

We want women only

When they're wholly calm and cool!

[Into the hall walks a tall, regal woman in a long black cloak and dress. She is the picture of icy poise and grace. It's Sansa Stark, the Warden of the North.]

SANSA:

Was Daenerys Targaryen born mad or was she pushed into madness through tragedy? After all, we all know the evil that lurks in the Targaryen bloodline. And it couldn't have been easy, growing up in exile with no family, no kingdom, only her cruel brother who sold her into slavery...

LORDS OF WESTEROS:

No one mourns a mad queen

No one cares how she went mad

Or was killed by her last relative

No one cries at that scene

We just cheer because she's bad

We never wanted that queen to live

And goodness knows

That mad queens' lives are lonely!

And goodness knows

That mad queens' hearts are stone!

Woe to those

Who support them on their journey

As they try to take the Iron Throne!

[The scene fades to black. We are transported back in time to a few weeks ago. Daenerys Targaryen and her procession are marching to Winterfell, met by a hostile reception from the Northerners. Daenerys gets off her dragon to greet Sansa Stark. As they exchange greetings and Sansa clasps Daenery's hand, both of them regard each other with suspicion.]

SANSA:

What is this feeling so sudden and new

I felt it the moment

I laid eyes on you

DANY:

What is this feeling

Full of blood and flame?

Does it have a name!

Yes!

SANSA:

Malice!

Pure and utter malice!

DANY:

For your crown

SANSA:

Your court

DANY:

Your palace!

BOTH:

All of your ancestral pride

And every snarky aside

Triggers the beast inside

With such total malice

If I drew my final breath

After the Others came and left

I would still feel malice, malice towards you

Past my death!

NORTHERNERS

Dearest Sansa, you're so nice

How can you refrain from throwing ice?

She's so foreign! A product of incest!

Not like our perfect Northern princess!

Poor Sansa, we can't even imagine

Being stuck with this stuck-up dragon

We're all on the same bandwagon of

Malice!

SANSA:

For a girl so hot-tempered!

DANY:

So callous!

SANSA:

Crazy as Lady Macbeth!

BOTH:

If I drew my final breath

After the Others came and left

I would still feel malice, malice towards you

Past my death!

[A few days later, Daenerys is sitting at a table in Sansa's chambers. She tries to make conversation with the Warden of the North but Sansa rebuffs all her efforts.]

SANSA:

What are you doing in the North anyway? How did you manipulate my brother into bending the knee?

DANY:

What is your problem with me? All I've ever wanted was to sit on the Iron Throne so that I could help the poor and oppressed. But I came here first to save the North from the Army of the Dead.

SANSA:

Help the oppressed? You really don't know how the Game of Thrones is played, do you? In Westeros, fighting against injustices doesn't win you any loyalty from anyone. The only thing that really matters is courtesy. You know, as in the saying 'Courtesy is a lady's armor.'

DANY:

I thought a lady's armor was a Valyrian steel chestplate.

SANSA:

Oh, you sweet summer child. You have so much to learn!

SANSA:

Courtesy!

It's all about courtesy!

How to act real chill

While people kill

Your entire family!

You'll avoid beheading

By never forgetting your

Courtesies!

I'll teach a lesson on courtesies

Cause there's no one as impressive

At passive-aggressive

Tendencies

Like smiling when you're nervous

Or paying lip-service

To the powers that be

While you plot to undermine them

As you constantly refine them

Your 'q's and 'p's

You're far too raw and earnest

You need to learn some courtesies!

La la la la

Just think of all the lords and ladies

Who sat upon the iron chair

Did they have honor or legitimate babies?

Don't make me sneer!

They had courtesy!

It's all about courtesies!

Forget fight or flight 'cause freeze

Is the best means of survival

When you're kidnapped by your rivals

And enemies

When you flirt with sleeze

-y men twice of your age

And repress your rage

Like a bird that seethes

In a gilded cage

While the war you wage

Is all backstage

Conspiracies

Although you may claim

You can break all chains

And never aim to please

To achieve your purpose

You'll have to practice courtesies!

La la la la

So much ass you'll kiss

When you're courteous

But not as courteous as me!

[Daenerys takes Sansa's advice to heart and tries harder to present a pleasant façade to the people of Westeros. She pardons Jaimie Lannister for his crimes against her family. She sacrifices her armies and fights against the Others. Nonetheless, Daenerys watches as the Northern Lords begin to rally around Jon because they would prefer a man as their leader.

Even more distressingly, her former love Jon Snow begins to avoid her. One night, Daenerys spies Sansa and Jon whispering in the halls of Winterfell. It is clear there is some romantic tension between the two of them as they smile and touch hands. Daenyers looks off into the distance with heartbreak in her eyes]

DANY:

Hands touch

Eyes meet

Without much bloodshed

Or excess heat

The last two heroes

In a grimdark world

He could be that guy

I'm not that girl

Don't dream of red doors

Focus only on the throne that's yours

Don't look back to love and joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl

Ever so often

You rescue a man

In the land beyond the Wall

But everything changes

When the truth sets in

He's not a bastard after all

Blue eyes

Tall and lean

Fire in her hair

But not her genes

With no ambitions to rule the world

That's the girl he chose

And the Seven knows

I'm not that girl

[Things get even worse for Daenerys Taragaryen when her enemies attack. Euron Greyjoy murders her dragon, Viserion. Cersei Lannister beheads her best friend, Missandei of Naath. Daenerys's advisors keep telling her to show restraint and avoid direct war on the Red Keep but Daenerys has reached the end of her rope.]

DANY:

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm sick of playing by the rules

Of some less ruthless game

Once you awake the dragon

It can't go back to sleep

It's time to shut out my advisors

Close my ears and leap

It's time to try DESTROYING KINGS LANDING!

I think I'll try DESTROYING KINGS LANDING!

And you can't bring me down!

TYRION:

How can I make you understand?

You're having delusions like your father!

DANY:

I'm through with accepting limits

From you or Jon Snow

I may not rule the Seven Kingdoms

But 'til I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing the love of the noble folk

Well I won't need their love

After the ash and smoke

It's time to try DESTROYING KING'S LANDING!

I'm up so high! I'm DESTROYING KING'S LANDING

They'll never bring me down!

Unlimited!

My power will be unlimited!

Once I had a vision

A mystic prophecy

That I'd rule the Seven Kingdoms

And solve all of its problems

With benevolent tyranny

Although my vision was kind of hazy

And I might be going crazy

Deep down I know

It is my destiny!

So if you care to find me!

Just look over Westeros!

As Missandei once told me

Everybody here deserves to roast!

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

Tell all the maesters out there

To send a raven back from me

Tell them how I'm DESTROYING KINGS LANDING!

Just kiss goodbye to gods-damned KINGS LANDING!

Soon I'll have my golden crown

And nobody in Westeros

No Aegon Targaryen or Jon Snow

Is ever gonna bring MEEEEE DOWWWWWWN!

LORDS OF WESTEROS:

Look at her, the Mad Queen!

Now we've got to bring her down!

DANY:

Waaaa-AAAAAaaah!

[Dany destroys King's Landing. She is just about to sit upon the Iron Throne when Jon Snow comes and kills her. The Northern Lords all celebrate the Mad Queen's defeat. Everything vaguely resembles the tales Sansa Stark loved in her youth, bittersweet stories of gallant knights defeating wicked monsters. Yet, Sansa can't help but feel dissatisfied with the way things have unfolded.]

SANSA:

This ending is bittersweet

Right Jon?

This ending is bittersweet

True Jon?

Well every knows

That the game of thrones

Couldn't have a purely happy ending

So this ending is bittersweet

Right Jon?

This ending is bittersweet

Not some horrible retcon

It's bitter and sweet

The loose ends tied up all neatly for you

We could be more traumatized

And our hopes less realized

Because bittersweet's what happens

When at least some dreams come true

But if maybe you sort of thought

That somehow the plot

Would be a little less of a mess

That's quite so depressingly hot

And if the frantic final pace

Left us with an aftertaste

That seems a lot more bitter

Than one might consider not

Like a lemon cake

That was somehow baked

Without sugar, just with lemons

Or a high sky cell

From which we fell

Into hells six or seven

Because some complexity got lost

And characterization tossed

As moral lines were crossed

Into pure evil

And you wonder what became

Of Queen What's-Her-Name

And her dream of breaking chains

For the common people

Still, here at the finale

After all that we've been through

It's definitely bittersweet

Yes, this ending is bittersweet

Because bittersweet's what happens

When at least some dreams come true

[Sansa sighs, feeling surprisingly empty inside without Daenerys Targaryen. Yes, the Mother of Dragons got on Sansa's nerves with her stubbornness, short temper and impractical idealism. But now that Daenerys is gone, Westeros seems strangely cold without her.

Sansa stares glumly out the window of a tower when a raven rushes through her window. It contains a message inviting her to a secret address. Determined to find out who is sending the raven, Sansa travels clandestinely to a small house in Braavos. She knocks three times on the red door…and is greeted by Daenerys Targaryen, alive after all!]

SANSA:

Dany?! You're alive?! How could this be?!

DANY:

It was all a brilliant scheme that my highly competent Hand Tyrion came up with. You see, we knew that Varys, Euron and Cercei wanted me dead. So we decided to deceive them all. I would pretend I was losing my mind and Jon would pretend to kill me. We would stage an elaborate show with spectacular special effects and some of the actors that Arya used to know. That way, the nobles would be distracted for long enough for me to escape.

SANSA:

So then everything that happened in past few weeks was just an illusion? You didn't really go crazy and burn King's Landing?

DANY:

No, that was all a performance. Your lesson on courtesy taught me the importance of misdirection and of pandering to the powers-that-be in order to survive.

SANSA:

I almost wish you  _had_  destroyed King's Landing. I've always hated that place.

DANY:

It's not too late to change things, Sansa. As the Queen of the North, you can still create the future that we both have dreamed of.

DANY:

Assassinated

My character was assassinated

But look at you

You can do the things I couldn't do

Sansa

Now it's up to you

SANSA:

Prophesies have said

That Azor Ahai will shine a light

To fight the Others

Their reign of terror to overturn

Well I don't know

If that prophecy came true

But I know I'm alive today

Cause the North was saved by you!

Like dragon in the night sky

Blowing up a boulder

Like a wolf in the forest

Running through the snowy woods

Who can say now our story is over

Of if either of us had any shades of good?

DANY:

It may be

We'll never be well written

In the TV show

Or have consistent story arcs

But when we sing

The Song of Ice and Fire

Is a melody

Of Targaryens and Starks

And now whatever way our stories end

At least in this version

You and I were almost friends

Like a pirate ship incinerated by wildfire

Like the winds of winter

Blowing through a heart's wood

Who can say if I was changed for the better

SANSA

I believe that I was changed for the better

DANY

And because I knew you

SANSA

Because I knew you

BOTH:

We both have shades of good


End file.
